The Elevator Conspiracy

I've noticed a lot of change in the last 20 years. Small shifts in thinking, small changes in every day process. Most people would assume it's "progress", but i know the truth.

It's the Elevators.

Let me explain, It all starts with the "Galilean invariance". The concept where an observer in a confined space in motion, has no idea they are going anywhere. This concept was later built on by Einstein, and expanded to the theory of relativity.

If, as a member of office society, you wake up every day and get on an elevator to do your job, you are a prime subject of the Galilean invariance. Once you step foot on the elevator, the doors close, and your world is moved without your knowledge. You "Think" you know that you are going up (or down) because that's what the little lights tell you. In truth, your reality is being shifted, changed, controlled by those leftist engineers who would have us all crammed into a contraption to manipulate our perspective of the universe.

As of march 2nd, I have officially giving up Elevators.

So I ask all of you elevator riders out there to join me in a boycott. Take the stairs and move your own reality!

I've also gained 30 pounds since I came back from Iraq a year ago, and I figure 5ive flights of stairs thrice a day won't hurt any.