It's Frickindiculous!!

The Laws of Jerry Dynamics, Digested

2011-07-07T08:08:00.001-05:00

Second Law of Jerry Dynamics: If i eat, i will digest.

Third Law of Jerry Dynamics. I poo, i plug, i plunger.

Fourth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Bacon is influential.

Fifth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I Google myself weekly.

Sixth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Itchy things get itched.

Seventh Law of Jerry Dynamics: Paperclips are good at cleaning out ears.

Eighth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Respect the Norris.

Ninth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Money is no good unless you spend it.

Tenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Coffee is more important than friends.

Eleventh Law of Jerry Dynamics: I like gadgets.

Twelfth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I base my leadership style on Captain Picard.

Thirteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I do one situp per day, every morning when i get out of bed.

Fourteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I take things apart.

Fifteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: It's "duck, duck, grey duck".

Sixteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Leftover Pizza is amazing.

Seventeenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Jeremiah Johnson, BEST MOVIE EVER.

Eighteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Never Forget, Never Surrender.

Nineteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: If there is no blood at the end of the ride, then the ride isn't over.

Twentieth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Plungers are amazing.

Twenty-First Law of Jerry Dynamics: Watch your top knot

Twenty-Second Law of Jerry Dynamics: Raging high-and-tights motivate my laughter muscle.

Twenty-Third Law of Jerry Dynamics: 8 Grand Biscuits, 2 boxes of Mac and Cheese with Tuna fish and peas, is a normal supper.

Twenty-Fourth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Crop dusting is an art.

Twenty-Fifth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I never really get full, just sick of chewing.

Twenty-Sixth Law of Jerry Dynamics: My eyebrows get a high-and-tight twice as often as my head.

Twenty-Seventh Law of Jerry Dynamics: I generally don't like people the first time i meet them. If your reading this, that means your at least "Tolerable" now.

Twenty-Eighth law of Jerry Dynamics: STFU and RTFM will answer 80% of the questions i am asked. The other 20% I probably don't know, so LMGTFY.

Twenty-Ninth law of Jerry Dynamics: Bathrooms without plungers are bad luck.

Thirtieth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Every good idea starts with a #2.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-24T13:29:00.002-06:00

Waffles

2010-09-03T14:14:00.002-05:00

In celebration of one of my favorite blogs (waffleizer), I've ate a waffle or two everyday since we started our vacation in Colorado.

The "lodge" we stayed at has one of those "make-your-own, cast-iron-timed-with-dinging-noises-for-two-minutes-and-thirty-seconds" waffle irons. Every morning, I ventured downstairs and made myself one or two tasty waffles with maple syrup but no butter, and every morning i was pleased with the outcome. Almost makes me wish I had one of those super fancy hotel waffle makers, almost.

The one i have works well for a consumer grade appliance. I just set it to "3" put in some bisquick (mixed of course) and let'er buck for 4 minutes. I havn't yet ventured into some of the fun recipies listed on the Waffleizer blog, but i do plan on it "someday".

What are the first two I plan on trying you ask? The cookie, and the quesidilla.

Of course I won't be able to attempt any of those recipe's until we get back home. There's still 1,100 miles of road between me and my waffle iron.

Sigh.

A Jerry Doodle

2010-04-14T08:45:00.003-05:00

This is what happens when i draw a picture with Julie's nephews.

Washing Machine

2010-02-10T11:46:00.004-06:00

Statistically speaking, if a person stops updating there website, people generally stop visiting it.

The correlation seams quite profound really. Just imagine if people stopped coming to your house because you don't re-arrange your furniture regularly?

Which probably means if you stopped changing your clothes, people will stop visiting your home as well.

This leads to the only logical conclusion: if you stop doing laundry, people will stop coming to your blog.

Systemic seed spitting

2009-06-30T15:34:00.004-05:00

For some unknown reason i purchased a bag of sunflower seeds a few weeks ago. I haven't cracked a seed for almost year, not since my "Crowning Achievement" incident a while back (the tooth is the same one that i crack seeds with).

I've gone through 3 bags in less than 2 weeks, 1 BBQ flavored and 2 ranch. It's an addiction that mocks my caffeine habit. Or compliments it, maybe? I even dumped half a bag down my shirt (accidentally, of course) and spent the whole day with ranch flavored nipples.

Could be worse i reckon.

Money

2009-06-29T15:19:00.002-05:00

Apperently, JerryLoss.com is worth $876 dollars!

According to the folks at websiteoutlook.com i make $1.20 per day off ad revenue. I wish that were that case!

Lets try the math:

$1.20 * 365days = $438 per year

I've had it for 9 years, so $438 * 9years = $3,942!

Holy buckets I'm rich!

You all better start paying up :-)

30?

2009-04-30T08:50:00.000-05:00

There once was a guy named Jerry,
As he got older his back became hairy.
So for his birthday affair,
He asked for a bottle of Nair,
And his back was no longer scary!

Translating the Preamble to the Constitution into Manegment speak:

2009-02-03T14:48:00.001-06:00

Team,

An initiative has been established to Increase our cooperative efficiencies, reliable transgression testing, create domestic wealth, thoroughly eradicate all American enemies, issue free handouts paid for by hard working blue collar person, and lock in low prime rates, we have establish this project and associated TRS entries for tracking.

Translated from the constitution of the United States of America:

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence,[1] promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

Christmassy post #3 ...i think...

2008-12-15T15:11:00.002-06:00

Hi all, i hope you have a wonderful holiday season!

Merry Christmas!

Lunch

2008-12-03T10:12:00.002-06:00

I'm going to have bacon for lunch today. I just thought you might want to know that.

Crowning Achievment

2008-08-27T08:55:00.002-05:00

I went to the dentist yesterday to fix a mistake the Navy dentists made when i was in boot camp 10 years ago.

The Dentist was a new hire to the office. His last job was..? Navy Dentist.

So I of course asked if he would fix it "Pro Bono" but he politely declined.

The major part of the process went fine, until it came time to fit a temporary crown. After about 30 unsuccessful attempts, the Dental Assistant finally made one fit by modifying it with an angle grinder (that oddly resembles my Dremmel tool) and a hacksaw.

She squeezed some goop into the new temporary crown, put it over the tooth, made me bight down on a wadded up piece of gauze for a few minutes. I lay back, Watching "Malcolm in the middle" on their complimentary TV service, trying not to laugh. I think they have comedy shows playing just to increase the torture ratio.

After a few minutes, I open my mouth and she starts cutting away the extra "cement" that formed around the base of the tooth. She has the "suction" device in there as well to suck up all the leftover cement. Next thing I hear is "Oh crap" and she runs out of the room.

I wasn't sure if it was the "oh crap" or a commercial that caused my attention to be diverted back to the task at hand, so I cautiously probe the new crown with my tongue. Or, as I discovered, where the crown was suppose to be. She comes back in a few minutes later, with the crown in a towel. Apparently it was sucked into the suction thingy. So we went through the whole process over again with cementing it down. She made me bight down a little longer then before. This time it turned out okay.

I should have asked if she cleaned the crown first before it was re-used.

Polling goodness

2008-08-06T08:49:00.003-05:00

Is bacon healthy?! Why of course it is!

Let me know what YOU think, by voting on the poll ..over yonder..clicky-->

cool.

teh

2008-07-31T22:17:00.002-05:00

Hiya,

Let me introduced myself, my name is Jerry. I occasionally post on my own blog. I try to post at least once a month. Today is July 31st, therefore it is the last day that i can post this month, so here i am, making you read some rambling post that i am writing at 10:20 pm. 1.5 hours before my deadline, me procrastinate? never.

Okay, you can go back to work/school/retirement that you were previously enjoying before you decided to check my blog and ended up reading something with no value what so ever.

Hi Mom!

Shameless Donation request

2008-06-04T15:13:00.002-05:00

Hello. As most of you know, i procrastinate every once in a while.

The MS 150 is this weekend, and I need to have all my donations in by Friday. So that means i needed to start asking people a few months ago. (heh heh)

http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/jerryloss

The link will bring you to the easiest method to donate, online.

And just so you all know that you are getting your money's worth, I'm doing the whole 150 mile ride on my mountain bike with knobby tires, and only 45 pounds of tire pressure.

Thanks!

Pancake post # 3

2008-04-24T08:27:00.002-05:00

100% all natural white pancakes.
Strategicly placed on your vehicle.
Good thing it's raining today.
Maybe That'll wash 'em off.

Or, maybe I should do some shuffling of stuff in the garage so i can park in there..?

Monday morning thoughts: Edible business cards.

2008-04-14T07:59:00.002-05:00

How to make your business card memorable.

What if you printed it on a sheet of bacon?

You could:
1) modify one of those counter top grills with your name, logo, and contact information
2) Purchase some bacon and food safe string
3) Sew the bacon together
4) Then fry and press in your grill!

Yum

Thursday morning with Jerry

2008-03-27T07:45:00.004-05:00

Alarm goes of at 5:00am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:07am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:14am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:21am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:28am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:35am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:42am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:49am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:56am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:01am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:08am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:15am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:22am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:29am. \snooze\
Cell Phone Alarm goes of at 6:30am.
Get out of bed at 6:40
Find pants and shirt 6:44
Iron pants and shirt 6:48
Leave for work at 6:55
Park at 7:01
walk up the stairs (see previous post)
Login at my computer at 7:10

At work breakfast:

(1) bowl of muesli, organic, with hot water from the coffee pot
(1/2) bag of Peppered beef jerky
(1) Cup of free work coffee
(3) slices of wheat bread (purchased from a gas station)

Check Email

Read the headlines at www.fark.com

Start work at 7:30..ish

That's my typical morning. Except for the beef jerky. That was a treat!

I know you thinking "Where's the bacon?!"
I consider bacon a "supper" food, not a breakfast. People don't take breakfast seriously, and bacon needs to be taken seriously.

The Elevator Conspiracy

2008-03-11T07:18:00.002-05:00

I've noticed a lot of change in the last 20 years. Small shifts in thinking, small changes in every day process. Most people would assume it's "progress", but i know the truth.

It's the Elevators.

Let me explain, It all starts with the "Galilean invariance". The concept where an observer in a confined space in motion, has no idea they are going anywhere. This concept was later built on by Einstein, and expanded to the theory of relativity.

If, as a member of office society, you wake up every day and get on an elevator to do your job, you are a prime subject of the Galilean invariance. Once you step foot on the elevator, the doors close, and your world is moved without your knowledge. You "Think" you know that you are going up (or down) because that's what the little lights tell you. In truth, your reality is being shifted, changed, controlled by those leftist engineers who would have us all crammed into a contraption to manipulate our perspective of the universe.

As of march 2nd, I have officially giving up Elevators.

So I ask all of you elevator riders out there to join me in a boycott. Take the stairs and move your own reality!

I've also gained 30 pounds since I came back from Iraq a year ago, and I figure 5ive flights of stairs thrice a day won't hurt any.

DJV

2008-03-09T12:52:00.001-05:00

It's been a year with out ya

http://www.thetimes-tribune.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=18094673&BRD=2185&PAG=461&dept_id=415898&rfi=15

Alligators, peacoks and sharks, oh my!

2008-03-03T07:40:00.002-06:00

Sea world was awesome. Military members (or those who were recently in the military) and their family can get in for free. Yeah! I like free. We never did make it to the waffle house, not enough time for all the other stuff we wanted to do. Besides, their waffles are no match for mine.

We caught every show at sea world, and made it through all of the attractions, and they were amazing! We had a soup and salad at the underwater shark restaurant, and for some reason, the sharks liked to stare at us. A little unnerving when trying to eat. Shamu was an awesome show, but i don't see why people think he's all that smart, considering he soaked half of the people in the "NO SOAK" zone, can't he read! (Just kidding, it was spectacular show!)

Thursday was at Universal studios. The 3D rides were awesome. My favourite was the Men In Black ride. The Mummy was cool too, except that my arm was mildly injured on the roller coaster.

Friday was spent hanging out with my Dad, Sarah, and my little brother. We went out to lunch then we headed for the beach. it was too windy and cloudy to work on the tan, so i played in the water for about an hour. I tested the "waterproof" capabilities of my camera, and it worked well.

Saturday morning was an early (7:30am) flight back home, uneventful. (Except for waiting in the ticketing line for 1.5 hours)

1/2 sunburn + 1/4 frost bite + 1/4 stack of waffles = Florida

2008-02-27T08:28:00.002-06:00

I'm writing this morning from "sunny" (but yet cold at the moment) Florida. I managed to fry my backside while at the beach (well, "fry" everything legally exposeable). The flight to Florida was uneventful. The rental car is nice, i had a free upgrade with a military discount thing, I finagled a Chrysler Sebring for the cost of a cheaper car.

Then the fun begins. It's 1 am and we are trying to find the "Beach side Resort Hotel" and it was proving to be very elusive. Finally after an hour of travel we call and get directions (we had directions, but the "resort" wasn't well marked). I have come to find out that hotel operators in Florida have no clue how to do this. So it's now 3 am, and we park in the lobby, i go inside and get the room keys. The lobby isn't overly impressive, it's dirty, kinda dank, and smells oddly like liver and cheese.

With keys in hand i go back to the super cool car, hop in and drive around to the parking lot in the back. We grab the bags and make for the side entrance. The key doesn't work. I try it again, it still doesn't work. The security guard comes up behind us and says "just pull, It'll open". Sure enough, he was right.

We get to the room, the key doesn't work. I try it again, it still doesn't work. I try it about another 35 times before i decide to walk down to the lobby. The night clerk sends the security guy up with us "because that door can be difficult". oh boy.

His key works fine. He trys our keys about 60 times in every way possible, to no avail.

Oh, i almost forgot to mention the best part. The clerk tells us that it's the last room, and she's "Not sure what the prior occupants did, but the faucets are missing". But she gave us free breakfast vouchers and assured us the plumber was coming tomorrow to fix. wow.

We walk into the room, and the first thing that we see on the floor resembles a turd. On closer inspection it was only a mushroom. a full size mushroom. right next to the pizza crust on the floor. So before i even pushed the handles down on my awesome new luggage (Thanks Mom!) we decided to continue our inspection. First place to look, the bathroom! i had to see the "missing faucets". Sure enough, they were missing. including the piping under the sink. and all handle fixtures too.

And for some reason, the missing handles must have made the bathroom smell funny. Oh wait, no, the funny smell was coming from the golf ball size turd floating in the toilet.

I quickly avert my horrified gaze to the other side of the bathroom towards the tub. that view wasn't any better, i think a yetti with sandy feet must of showered in there last.

So we collect our things and make our way back to the lobby, and i politely notified the clerk of the discrepancies. She proceeds to explain to us how she plans on killing the day crew. Then says how she will pay for all of our meals during our stay. But she also recommended we stay away from the pancakes and waffles "because they are frozen". And she was in the midst of calling the neighboring hotels that are owned by the same company to get us new accommodations. I politely refused and offered that i would rather sleep in the car. Julie was in complete agreement.

We make our way along the "SR A1A" (beach front road) and stop at all the well known names in Hotel chains, but none had any rooms available for less then $380 per night.

Julie manages to get a list of hotels with room vacancies from the night crew at the Baha Sur (spelling?) and she starts calling around. She found an awesome hotel called the Renaissance Plantation, just outside of Fort Lauderdale. The place was like walking into a palace! And whats even better, they take AAA! So, thanks to the quick thinking of the my super awesome traveling companion, we got a better rate, and a nicer hotel!

The next two nights we spent at the Marriott on the beach. (Which were also attained by my traveling companion). The room and the hotel were absolutely incredible. From now on, Julie is booking the hotels :-)

So now we are in Orlando, which is 47 degrees, and getting ready for a day at Sea world. But first, Waffle house! yeah!

Random Cold

2008-02-19T08:56:00.003-06:00

This past weekend was in the upper 20-ish degree range, I took advantage of the warmer-than-usual weather and decided to bring a mountain of 'stuff' to Goodwill. The guy who was unloading the back of my Xterra accidentally dropped a bag of dishes onto the cement. oops. I know he didn't mean to do it, and he was very apologetic, but he also didn't bother going through the bag to see if anything was left unbroken , since most of the items were well wrapped. He just took the whole bag and *tossed* it into a dumpster. I also forgot to "itemize" all the stuff for a tax write-off. In years past, you could just put a dollar amount on the receipt, but i think the law changed for '08, you now have to have a "by-line" list of each good and the dollar amount.

Is it lunch time yet? i'm hungry.

AJK

2008-02-12T07:19:00.000-06:00

I miss ya cousin

Video

Federal news release

State observance

Jerry Vs Cell phone

2008-01-17T16:14:00.000-06:00

I got the bright idea to "Reverse Engineer" my cell phone.

I think i succeeded.

It *was* an MDA HTC wizard from tmobile