It's Frickindiculous!!

The Laws of Jerry Dynamics, Digested

2011-07-07T08:08:00.001-05:00

Second Law of Jerry Dynamics: If i eat, i will digest.

Third Law of Jerry Dynamics. I poo, i plug, i plunger.

Fourth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Bacon is influential.

Fifth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I Google myself weekly.

Sixth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Itchy things get itched.

Seventh Law of Jerry Dynamics: Paperclips are good at cleaning out ears.

Eighth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Respect the Norris.

Ninth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Money is no good unless you spend it.

Tenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Coffee is more important than friends.

Eleventh Law of Jerry Dynamics: I like gadgets.

Twelfth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I base my leadership style on Captain Picard.

Thirteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I do one situp per day, every morning when i get out of bed.

Fourteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I take things apart.

Fifteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: It's "duck, duck, grey duck".

Sixteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Leftover Pizza is amazing.

Seventeenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Jeremiah Johnson, BEST MOVIE EVER.

Eighteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Never Forget, Never Surrender.

Nineteenth Law of Jerry Dynamics: If there is no blood at the end of the ride, then the ride isn't over.

Twentieth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Plungers are amazing.

Twenty-First Law of Jerry Dynamics: Watch your top knot

Twenty-Second Law of Jerry Dynamics: Raging high-and-tights motivate my laughter muscle.

Twenty-Third Law of Jerry Dynamics: 8 Grand Biscuits, 2 boxes of Mac and Cheese with Tuna fish and peas, is a normal supper.

Twenty-Fourth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Crop dusting is an art.

Twenty-Fifth Law of Jerry Dynamics: I never really get full, just sick of chewing.

Twenty-Sixth Law of Jerry Dynamics: My eyebrows get a high-and-tight twice as often as my head.

Twenty-Seventh Law of Jerry Dynamics: I generally don't like people the first time i meet them. If your reading this, that means your at least "Tolerable" now.

Twenty-Eighth law of Jerry Dynamics: STFU and RTFM will answer 80% of the questions i am asked. The other 20% I probably don't know, so LMGTFY.

Twenty-Ninth law of Jerry Dynamics: Bathrooms without plungers are bad luck.

Thirtieth Law of Jerry Dynamics: Every good idea starts with a #2.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-24T13:29:00.002-06:00

Waffles

2010-09-03T14:14:00.002-05:00

In celebration of one of my favorite blogs (waffleizer), I've ate a waffle or two everyday since we started our vacation in Colorado.

The "lodge" we stayed at has one of those "make-your-own, cast-iron-timed-with-dinging-noises-for-two-minutes-and-thirty-seconds" waffle irons. Every morning, I ventured downstairs and made myself one or two tasty waffles with maple syrup but no butter, and every morning i was pleased with the outcome. Almost makes me wish I had one of those super fancy hotel waffle makers, almost.

The one i have works well for a consumer grade appliance. I just set it to "3" put in some bisquick (mixed of course) and let'er buck for 4 minutes. I havn't yet ventured into some of the fun recipies listed on the Waffleizer blog, but i do plan on it "someday".

What are the first two I plan on trying you ask? The cookie, and the quesidilla.

Of course I won't be able to attempt any of those recipe's until we get back home. There's still 1,100 miles of road between me and my waffle iron.

Sigh.

A Jerry Doodle

2010-04-14T08:45:00.003-05:00

This is what happens when i draw a picture with Julie's nephews.

Washing Machine

2010-02-10T11:46:00.004-06:00

Statistically speaking, if a person stops updating there website, people generally stop visiting it.

The correlation seams quite profound really. Just imagine if people stopped coming to your house because you don't re-arrange your furniture regularly?

Which probably means if you stopped changing your clothes, people will stop visiting your home as well.

This leads to the only logical conclusion: if you stop doing laundry, people will stop coming to your blog.

Systemic seed spitting

2009-06-30T15:34:00.004-05:00

For some unknown reason i purchased a bag of sunflower seeds a few weeks ago. I haven't cracked a seed for almost year, not since my "Crowning Achievement" incident a while back (the tooth is the same one that i crack seeds with).

I've gone through 3 bags in less than 2 weeks, 1 BBQ flavored and 2 ranch. It's an addiction that mocks my caffeine habit. Or compliments it, maybe? I even dumped half a bag down my shirt (accidentally, of course) and spent the whole day with ranch flavored nipples.

Could be worse i reckon.

Money

2009-06-29T15:19:00.002-05:00

Apperently, JerryLoss.com is worth $876 dollars!

According to the folks at websiteoutlook.com i make $1.20 per day off ad revenue. I wish that were that case!

Lets try the math:

$1.20 * 365days = $438 per year

I've had it for 9 years, so $438 * 9years = $3,942!

Holy buckets I'm rich!

You all better start paying up :-)

30?

2009-04-30T08:50:00.000-05:00

There once was a guy named Jerry,
As he got older his back became hairy.
So for his birthday affair,
He asked for a bottle of Nair,
And his back was no longer scary!

Translating the Preamble to the Constitution into Manegment speak:

2009-02-03T14:48:00.001-06:00

Team,

An initiative has been established to Increase our cooperative efficiencies, reliable transgression testing, create domestic wealth, thoroughly eradicate all American enemies, issue free handouts paid for by hard working blue collar person, and lock in low prime rates, we have establish this project and associated TRS entries for tracking.

Translated from the constitution of the United States of America:

“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence,[1] promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

Christmassy post #3 ...i think...

2008-12-15T15:11:00.002-06:00

Hi all, i hope you have a wonderful holiday season!

Merry Christmas!

Lunch

2008-12-03T10:12:00.002-06:00

I'm going to have bacon for lunch today. I just thought you might want to know that.

Crowning Achievment

2008-08-27T08:55:00.002-05:00

I went to the dentist yesterday to fix a mistake the Navy dentists made when i was in boot camp 10 years ago.

The Dentist was a new hire to the office. His last job was..? Navy Dentist.

So I of course asked if he would fix it "Pro Bono" but he politely declined.

The major part of the process went fine, until it came time to fit a temporary crown. After about 30 unsuccessful attempts, the Dental Assistant finally made one fit by modifying it with an angle grinder (that oddly resembles my Dremmel tool) and a hacksaw.

She squeezed some goop into the new temporary crown, put it over the tooth, made me bight down on a wadded up piece of gauze for a few minutes. I lay back, Watching "Malcolm in the middle" on their complimentary TV service, trying not to laugh. I think they have comedy shows playing just to increase the torture ratio.

After a few minutes, I open my mouth and she starts cutting away the extra "cement" that formed around the base of the tooth. She has the "suction" device in there as well to suck up all the leftover cement. Next thing I hear is "Oh crap" and she runs out of the room.

I wasn't sure if it was the "oh crap" or a commercial that caused my attention to be diverted back to the task at hand, so I cautiously probe the new crown with my tongue. Or, as I discovered, where the crown was suppose to be. She comes back in a few minutes later, with the crown in a towel. Apparently it was sucked into the suction thingy. So we went through the whole process over again with cementing it down. She made me bight down a little longer then before. This time it turned out okay.

I should have asked if she cleaned the crown first before it was re-used.

Polling goodness

2008-08-06T08:49:00.003-05:00

Is bacon healthy?! Why of course it is!

Let me know what YOU think, by voting on the poll ..over yonder..clicky-->

cool.

teh

2008-07-31T22:17:00.002-05:00

Hiya,

Let me introduced myself, my name is Jerry. I occasionally post on my own blog. I try to post at least once a month. Today is July 31st, therefore it is the last day that i can post this month, so here i am, making you read some rambling post that i am writing at 10:20 pm. 1.5 hours before my deadline, me procrastinate? never.

Okay, you can go back to work/school/retirement that you were previously enjoying before you decided to check my blog and ended up reading something with no value what so ever.

Hi Mom!

Shameless Donation request

2008-06-04T15:13:00.002-05:00

Hello. As most of you know, i procrastinate every once in a while.

The MS 150 is this weekend, and I need to have all my donations in by Friday. So that means i needed to start asking people a few months ago. (heh heh)

http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/jerryloss

The link will bring you to the easiest method to donate, online.

And just so you all know that you are getting your money's worth, I'm doing the whole 150 mile ride on my mountain bike with knobby tires, and only 45 pounds of tire pressure.

Thanks!

Pancake post # 3

2008-04-24T08:27:00.002-05:00

100% all natural white pancakes.
Strategicly placed on your vehicle.
Good thing it's raining today.
Maybe That'll wash 'em off.

Or, maybe I should do some shuffling of stuff in the garage so i can park in there..?

Monday morning thoughts: Edible business cards.

2008-04-14T07:59:00.002-05:00

How to make your business card memorable.

What if you printed it on a sheet of bacon?

You could:
1) modify one of those counter top grills with your name, logo, and contact information
2) Purchase some bacon and food safe string
3) Sew the bacon together
4) Then fry and press in your grill!

Yum

Thursday morning with Jerry

2008-03-27T07:45:00.004-05:00

Alarm goes of at 5:00am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:07am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:14am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:21am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:28am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:35am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:42am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:49am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 5:56am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:01am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:08am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:15am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:22am. \snooze\
Alarm goes of at 6:29am. \snooze\
Cell Phone Alarm goes of at 6:30am.
Get out of bed at 6:40
Find pants and shirt 6:44
Iron pants and shirt 6:48
Leave for work at 6:55
Park at 7:01
walk up the stairs (see previous post)
Login at my computer at 7:10

At work breakfast:

(1) bowl of muesli, organic, with hot water from the coffee pot
(1/2) bag of Peppered beef jerky
(1) Cup of free work coffee
(3) slices of wheat bread (purchased from a gas station)

Check Email

Read the headlines at www.fark.com

Start work at 7:30..ish

That's my typical morning. Except for the beef jerky. That was a treat!

I know you thinking "Where's the bacon?!"
I consider bacon a "supper" food, not a breakfast. People don't take breakfast seriously, and bacon needs to be taken seriously.

The Elevator Conspiracy

2008-03-11T07:18:00.002-05:00

I've noticed a lot of change in the last 20 years. Small shifts in thinking, small changes in every day process. Most people would assume it's "progress", but i know the truth.

It's the Elevators.

Let me explain, It all starts with the "Galilean invariance". The concept where an observer in a confined space in motion, has no idea they are going anywhere. This concept was later built on by Einstein, and expanded to the theory of relativity.

If, as a member of office society, you wake up every day and get on an elevator to do your job, you are a prime subject of the Galilean invariance. Once you step foot on the elevator, the doors close, and your world is moved without your knowledge. You "Think" you know that you are going up (or down) because that's what the little lights tell you. In truth, your reality is being shifted, changed, controlled by those leftist engineers who would have us all crammed into a contraption to manipulate our perspective of the universe.

As of march 2nd, I have officially giving up Elevators.

So I ask all of you elevator riders out there to join me in a boycott. Take the stairs and move your own reality!

I've also gained 30 pounds since I came back from Iraq a year ago, and I figure 5ive flights of stairs thrice a day won't hurt any.

DJV

2008-03-09T12:52:00.001-05:00

It's been a year with out ya

http://www.thetimes-tribune.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=18094673&BRD=2185&PAG=461&dept_id=415898&rfi=15

Alligators, peacoks and sharks, oh my!

2008-03-03T07:40:00.002-06:00

Sea world was awesome. Military members (or those who were recently in the military) and their family can get in for free. Yeah! I like free. We never did make it to the waffle house, not enough time for all the other stuff we wanted to do. Besides, their waffles are no match for mine.

We caught every show at sea world, and made it through all of the attractions, and they were amazing! We had a soup and salad at the underwater shark restaurant, and for some reason, the sharks liked to stare at us. A little unnerving when trying to eat. Shamu was an awesome show, but i don't see why people think he's all that smart, considering he soaked half of the people in the "NO SOAK" zone, can't he read! (Just kidding, it was spectacular show!)

Thursday was at Universal studios. The 3D rides were awesome. My favourite was the Men In Black ride. The Mummy was cool too, except that my arm was mildly injured on the roller coaster.

Friday was spent hanging out with my Dad, Sarah, and my little brother. We went out to lunch then we headed for the beach. it was too windy and cloudy to work on the tan, so i played in the water for about an hour. I tested the "waterproof" capabilities of my camera, and it worked well.

Saturday morning was an early (7:30am) flight back home, uneventful. (Except for waiting in the ticketing line for 1.5 hours)

1/2 sunburn + 1/4 frost bite + 1/4 stack of waffles = Florida

2008-02-27T08:28:00.002-06:00

I'm writing this morning from "sunny" (but yet cold at the moment) Florida. I managed to fry my backside while at the beach (well, "fry" everything legally exposeable). The flight to Florida was uneventful. The rental car is nice, i had a free upgrade with a military discount thing, I finagled a Chrysler Sebring for the cost of a cheaper car.

Then the fun begins. It's 1 am and we are trying to find the "Beach side Resort Hotel" and it was proving to be very elusive. Finally after an hour of travel we call and get directions (we had directions, but the "resort" wasn't well marked). I have come to find out that hotel operators in Florida have no clue how to do this. So it's now 3 am, and we park in the lobby, i go inside and get the room keys. The lobby isn't overly impressive, it's dirty, kinda dank, and smells oddly like liver and cheese.

With keys in hand i go back to the super cool car, hop in and drive around to the parking lot in the back. We grab the bags and make for the side entrance. The key doesn't work. I try it again, it still doesn't work. The security guard comes up behind us and says "just pull, It'll open". Sure enough, he was right.

We get to the room, the key doesn't work. I try it again, it still doesn't work. I try it about another 35 times before i decide to walk down to the lobby. The night clerk sends the security guy up with us "because that door can be difficult". oh boy.

His key works fine. He trys our keys about 60 times in every way possible, to no avail.

Oh, i almost forgot to mention the best part. The clerk tells us that it's the last room, and she's "Not sure what the prior occupants did, but the faucets are missing". But she gave us free breakfast vouchers and assured us the plumber was coming tomorrow to fix. wow.

We walk into the room, and the first thing that we see on the floor resembles a turd. On closer inspection it was only a mushroom. a full size mushroom. right next to the pizza crust on the floor. So before i even pushed the handles down on my awesome new luggage (Thanks Mom!) we decided to continue our inspection. First place to look, the bathroom! i had to see the "missing faucets". Sure enough, they were missing. including the piping under the sink. and all handle fixtures too.

And for some reason, the missing handles must have made the bathroom smell funny. Oh wait, no, the funny smell was coming from the golf ball size turd floating in the toilet.

I quickly avert my horrified gaze to the other side of the bathroom towards the tub. that view wasn't any better, i think a yetti with sandy feet must of showered in there last.

So we collect our things and make our way back to the lobby, and i politely notified the clerk of the discrepancies. She proceeds to explain to us how she plans on killing the day crew. Then says how she will pay for all of our meals during our stay. But she also recommended we stay away from the pancakes and waffles "because they are frozen". And she was in the midst of calling the neighboring hotels that are owned by the same company to get us new accommodations. I politely refused and offered that i would rather sleep in the car. Julie was in complete agreement.

We make our way along the "SR A1A" (beach front road) and stop at all the well known names in Hotel chains, but none had any rooms available for less then $380 per night.

Julie manages to get a list of hotels with room vacancies from the night crew at the Baha Sur (spelling?) and she starts calling around. She found an awesome hotel called the Renaissance Plantation, just outside of Fort Lauderdale. The place was like walking into a palace! And whats even better, they take AAA! So, thanks to the quick thinking of the my super awesome traveling companion, we got a better rate, and a nicer hotel!

The next two nights we spent at the Marriott on the beach. (Which were also attained by my traveling companion). The room and the hotel were absolutely incredible. From now on, Julie is booking the hotels :-)

So now we are in Orlando, which is 47 degrees, and getting ready for a day at Sea world. But first, Waffle house! yeah!

Random Cold

2008-02-19T08:56:00.003-06:00

This past weekend was in the upper 20-ish degree range, I took advantage of the warmer-than-usual weather and decided to bring a mountain of 'stuff' to Goodwill. The guy who was unloading the back of my Xterra accidentally dropped a bag of dishes onto the cement. oops. I know he didn't mean to do it, and he was very apologetic, but he also didn't bother going through the bag to see if anything was left unbroken , since most of the items were well wrapped. He just took the whole bag and *tossed* it into a dumpster. I also forgot to "itemize" all the stuff for a tax write-off. In years past, you could just put a dollar amount on the receipt, but i think the law changed for '08, you now have to have a "by-line" list of each good and the dollar amount.

Is it lunch time yet? i'm hungry.

AJK

2008-02-12T07:19:00.000-06:00

I miss ya cousin

Video

Federal news release

State observance

Jerry Vs Cell phone

2008-01-17T16:14:00.000-06:00

I got the bright idea to "Reverse Engineer" my cell phone.

I think i succeeded.

It *was* an MDA HTC wizard from tmobile

hmmm

2008-01-15T07:35:00.000-06:00

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Pizza - bacon - cats

2007-11-29T15:28:00.000-06:00

I found my wallet yesterday. It was in my backpack, apparently i had it the whole time.

Last night was pizza night, pizza with bacon! it was spectacular.

I really like bacon.

There is a bus with 8 children inside
Each child has 8 bags
Inside each bag there are 8 big cats
Each big cat has 8 small cats
All cats have 4 Legs each
How many legs are inside the bus?

(note: there is no bus driver)

Leave you answer in the comments. I'll give the first person to answer correctly a prize the next time i see them.

Bacon wallet

2007-11-28T10:15:00.000-06:00

I forgot my wallet. It's not an overly huge predicament, just a generic hassle.

During my commute this morning, i was daydreaming (morning-dreaming?) about hash browns and bacon. Nice crispy bacon.

Did you know that more than 2 billion pounds of bacon is produced in the US each year?

Bacon Trivia quiz. (no registration required)

~~note~~~
As i was finishing this up, some one walked into the room and said there are leftover hash browns in our lunch room. YAY!!!

... Geek ...

2007-11-27T12:23:00.000-06:00

One of our server rooms where we keep computer equipment had a climate control failure. The temperature was dropping fast. It was down to 26 degrees Fahrenheit. Time was short, the servers were about ready to crash. Monitoring alarms were buzzing everywhere. Maintenance was rushing to fix the climate control mechanism, but time wasn't on our side. Thinking fast, i wrote a script that adds random numbers to each other, pushing the processors of the servers up to 25% utilization per processor thread. I instantiated multiple instances of the script thereby creating a 75% increase in electrical consumption in each machine. The temperature probes start to slowly climb out of the red "critical" zone. Another disaster was adverted by the highly resourceful technical group at Michael Foods, Inc.

The life of a computer systems administrator.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T10:58:00.001-06:00

Gobble Gobble

Rice

2007-11-21T12:06:00.000-06:00

Most charity organizations want one of two things, Money or Labor. (some times both). But there are a few out there that take a fun and creative activity, and use the revenue for donations. I found a cool one this morning and did the research to make sure it's "legitimate" and started playing (the game). It's relatively simple word definition matching. They give you a word and you select the definition. For every correct answer they will donate 10 grains of rice. For each one that you get wrong, you learned a new word! It's win-win :-)

I know 10 grains of rice doesn't sound like much, but if you think about the number of people on the internet that could potentially play, it would do some serious good!

FreeRice.net

And for the skeptics like me, here's the Snopes article

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ground Breaking Research

2007-11-20T14:32:00.000-06:00

Using my lunch time wisely, i decided to do an analysis of the word "bacon" searched from Minnesota, using trending and reporting features offered by Google. here are the results:

1. Duluth, MN, USA
2. Mankato, MN, USA
3. St Cloud, MN, USA
4. Minneapolis, MN, USA
5. St Peter, MN, USA
6. Eden Prairie, MN, USA
7. St Paul, MN, USA
8. Rochester, MN, USA
9. Prior Lake, MN, USA
10. Hopkins, MN, USA

CEO

2007-11-16T14:58:00.001-06:00

I've been officially named CEO of my company. I'd like to say this position will bring more money, but I can't. It isn't the CEO you are probably thinking of.

CEO = Chief Entertainment Officer.

When I say "officially named" I really meant it was bestowed on me by my immediate coworkers.

Apparently my random thoughts that I expatiate out loud are a good source of comedy. They started a quote file on me. Most of them are one line quotes out of context from the conversation, which only makes them that much funnier.

For example:

"I just left something 2/3rd's evil in the elevator, the other 1/3 is still in my shorts"

For some reason, they felt it necessary to record that comment. At first, I thought it was going to be used in a hearing with HR. No, not yet.

~~~update~~~
expatiate: to move or wander about intellectually, imaginatively, etc., without restraint.

My kind of research!

2007-11-14T13:18:00.000-06:00

Apparently bacon can be good for you. The Nitrate in bacon is converted to Nitrite, which helps with recovery after a heart attack.

I wonder how a person can get selected to help the "human" study cases...

On another note, it's snowing! yay!

Ham flavored soda?

2007-11-12T08:51:00.000-06:00

Ham flavored soda. cool!

I recently returned from another trip to Colorado. It was relatively uneventful. Adam (coworker) and I drive into the mountains for a few hours on Wednesday morning before we left for the airport in Denver. The drive was scenic, we took a few pictures and talked about how next time we are going to give ourselves more then a few hours so we actually can hike some of the trails.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention; my pants fell down while going through airport security. Thats what they get when they make me take off my belt, they get to see my red polka dot boxers.

On hold?

2007-10-09T15:52:00.000-05:00

Here i sit, on hold with Rockwell automation support, and i started thinking about other things that have been "on hold", and of course the top of my list is my "web presence".

The summer is just to much fun to sit around and write! not that I'm overly verbal or anything, or that i couldn't find a few quick minutes to spill some thoughts on my keyboard, but hey, I'm just looking for excuses ;-)

I rode the Harley into work this morning, the cold temperatures make for some nice riding! glad i "tactically acquired" a couple of extra polar fleece hats.

I'm hungry, i think i need a snack now. mmmm Grilled Cheese sammiches. (!)

Hippie Jerry

2007-07-19T13:57:00.000-05:00

I was in Boulder Colorado this weekend for work. After the testing was declared a success, i went back to the hotel for a good night's sleep. The next morning we had some time before heading out to Denver to catch our flight back .So, we cruised over to "Pearl Street" which is kind of like Nicollet mall in downtown Minneapolis. only alot nicer. and NO traffic. We stopped at the shops and checked out the "trinkitry" and other such odds and ends. I wanted to stop in at this book store called "The left hand book store". Me being the Liberal hippie type person that i am, felt right at home, and got a chuckle out of the bumper stickers and t-shirts. My co-workers, on the other hand, were very dismayed and frightened. so i perused the book shelves and purchased a copy of the life and story of "Gandhi". I made it halfway through the book on the plane ride home. Very intriguing figure the Mahatma was/is.

Good morning world

2007-07-05T11:22:00.000-05:00

Well, it's still kind of morning. it's 11:30. I hope everyone had a good independence day. I certainly did, BBQ-ing, blowing stuff up (mostly legal of course), Sunset wheat beer, good friends, and sidewalk chalk. Who would have thought drawing stickmen type figures on someones driveway would be so much fun? Oh, and i gave my motorcycle a bath. it was kinda spotty, since everytime i ride, it likes to rain. and of course it rained on me when i was riding yesterday afternoon.

(Jerry on bike + Freshly washed motorcycle = %100 chance of rain)

For everyone who got wet yesterday, i apologize, it was my fault for the rain.

Grammer

2007-06-27T10:17:00.001-05:00

There once was a guy named Jerry
His grammar was weak and wary
If only he could spell, maybe he would sell
and make a million dollars in a hurry!

~~

Haha, Maybe i should write a book called "Stupid Jerry sayings and his nonsense poetry"

That will be sure to net a million dollars!

So i was thinking

2007-06-27T09:52:00.000-05:00

I was thinking that i need a million dollars. I'm not sure what i would do with it, but I'm positive that I'll figure it out. Now the question is, how do i get a million dollars? I could save 5 dollars a day, and find a place to get %10 return on my money, but that takes 42 years for it to equal a million dollars. (yes, i did the math). I could work my way up the corporate ladder, and become some sort of chief executive officer.... hahaha, ya right. So maybe money laundering, extortion, bank robbery ....naw, i don't want to get into *to much* trouble. Huh, ideas to ponder. (or Pander..? haha)

Quiz Time

2007-06-03T20:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, who knows me best?

Create your own Friend Quiz here

It's that time of the year again.

2007-05-24T19:43:00.001-05:00

Sun is shining, birds are chirping, grass is growing. I know it's early summer when i get into my vehicle, look up at the sun roof, and see the oblong white pancake. I don't know what it is, but birds love to poo on my vehicle. It seams that it doesn't matter where i park, in the front of the house, in back, in the garage. no wait, actually, the garage is fine. I just don't like parking in the garage. i need to get the garage door track fixed. Ya, i know it's been screwed up for a year, but i have a good excuse! (ahem...iraq?) ok, maybe thats not a good excuse, but i wasn't the one who ran into it.

My Alienware laptop's power cord stopped working for some reason, but i finally called up tech support (depressing) and ordered a new one. It shipped a few days ago, and i picked it up two nights ago. It works like a charm!

Does anyone else find the "Daily show with John Stewart" absolutely awesome? John Stewart should run for president.

First Ride

2007-04-29T15:00:00.000-05:00

I did my first bike ride of the year at Lebonnon hills. Considering i havn't ridin in over a year, i'm not sure if the 'expert' only trails were the right ones to be riding on. But i did anyway.

The ride went well, my front shock was giving me some trouble, but i think it's from "lack of use". after i readjusted it for the 3rd time, it stayed put. i think the seals were dry, so it kept losing pressure. Today, I'm working on getting my original website back up and running, and enjoying a few beers on my deck, in the nice weather.

hi

2007-04-20T21:58:00.000-05:00

5 months since my last post. crazy. Well, here it goes:

We arrived back in the good ol' USA on March 17th. (St patty's day) and had a wonderful night.
We left for Minnesota the following Wednesday, the 21st. We were released from Active duty a few days later. I took 2 weeks off, with the intention of catching up on stuff. The only thing i caught up on was sleep. :-)

I went back to work on the 16th of April, things really haven't changed much there, a few new faces. But i am excited to be back home, and excited to start putting the grey matter in my noggin to use.

Thank you to everyone who has made this an easy transition! And I'll post regularly again, i promise !

Nothing New

2007-01-04T10:02:00.000-06:00

It's not that i forgot about my blog or anything, I don't really have much new to update. Let me rack my brain for something to update you people about:

1. Christmas, we had a turky dinner at the chow hall, it was alright. They had a metric ton of desserts. (no kidding, we haul the goods)

2. Lunch with Sen. Norm Coleman. I sat right next to him, we talked about hockey. He ate a cheeseburger.

3. New Years. We partied in our bunker, decked it out with red christmas lights and a space heater. Drank some sparkly cider stuff.

4. Watched "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" for the 53rd time. (seriously, i've been keeping track)

5. Finished my bed. Don't have any pictures yet.

6. Cleaned out a 40 foot connex box.

7. Fixed 3 laptops.

8. Played 18 games of chess. Win:13 / Lost:3 / Accidently tipped the board over:2 (the board is on an unstable table, and a popcan from my opponent tipped it over, the other was by some unnamed officer. I would have won both games anyways)

Yup. There you go, insight into the life of a Marine Sergeant. You're welcome.

Bed 2.0

2006-12-20T00:10:00.000-06:00

With extra time on my hands, and a huge scrap would pile behind the hooch, I thought I would expand my area. Currently, I have a small wall-locker, a footlocker-type-box, and a bed. I bought some little plastic drawer thingies from the PX to put my clothes in. And I “tactically acquired” a small metal stand for my laptop. My “new” building objectives are:

1. Desk
2. Dresser
3. Closet with hanger rack
4. More space

I had to consider the lack of space I have to cram all this stuff into as well. I tore my bed apart and used scrap would to raise my bed 5 ½ feet off the ground. Built a staircase up to it (yes, a staircase – not a ladder), and built my desk in the corner, under the bed. I’m still working on the closet & dresser piece. I’m hoping to have that done by next week, assuming it stops raining. Not that I mind working in the rain, I just don’t want to be “playing” with electrically operated power tools while soaking wet.

On another note, I think I’m addicted to pineapple juice. I can’t stop drinking the stuff.

Christmassy Post #2

2006-12-16T03:22:00.000-06:00

Wow, holy buckets. I don’t even know where to begin to say thank you to everyone that has supported us, and sent us stuff over the last 3 months. So “Thank you” (think: Big Thank you). Here’s my {incomplete} thank you list,Mom & Wes (aren’t mom’s great?) Dad, Sarah & Charles (My dad and Email? Who would have thought it…?) All my aunt’s and uncles, my 3 cousins :-) , Diane R (from Operation Minnesota Nice) Kate L from Wisconsin and the senior center (Our entire unit appreciates the generous amount of books and items sent!), My work (way to many people to name off, but I’m sure the SOCIT committee had something to do with it).

There are a ton (no kidding) more people who have done wonderful things for us, and a thank you to all of them not mentioned here, but you know who you are!

Merry Christmas!

Christmasy (Is that a word?)

2006-12-05T09:02:00.000-06:00

Tons and Tons of care packages filled with goodies and gifts have been filtering their way into our camp. I delivered 14 boxes to my guys today, and a bunch of "any service member" christmas cards. I got a really nice card from a retired Navy gentleman from texas.

I havn't decorated the tree yet, but i'll hopefully get to it tonight after i am done running. We already have 2 other tree's set up in the hooch, and red and green lights wrapped throughout the rafters. Makes a really nice night light!

I changed up my usualy cheeseburger today, and went for a grilled Ham and Cheese sandwich. I think i like the cheesburgers better. The Philly cheesesteaks are not to shabby either :)

Cheeseburger in Paradise

2006-12-04T05:19:00.000-06:00

I think i really like cheeseburgers. I know thats not really news to most of you, as you probably know me well enough. But i thought i would just point that out. KBR makes decent burgers, i add a little extra cheese, some tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, relish (yes, pickles And relish) some red onions, ketchup, mustard, and more recently a little bit of taco sauce (adds a delicoucious and unique flavor). I was thinking i might make a video with that famous (well i think it's famous) Jimmy Buffet song "Cheesebuger in Paradise" with me acting out all the parts of the song. hmmm.

Report

2006-11-30T08:19:00.000-06:00

The holidays have seen an influx in the number of people using the computers around here, so my 'net time has been severely diminished. I really haven't been to busy, the last run was on thanksgiving evening, which means i missed that burnt turkey from the chow hall. I settled on a can of Chili-Mac, the can is self heating, you just poke holes in predefined spots in the can and the internal chemical heating thingy is activated. In about 6 minutes you have a can of heated Chili-Mac! Tastes much better than a standard MRE (Meals Ready to Eat, or as we call them, Meals Refusing to Exit...but don't ask for an explanation, you probably won't like the answer).

I added a link box on the right hand side of this page. The first link is titled "What am i reading?", that links to the blog or news entries that generally catch my interest about something. Most of the stuff is probably only interesting to me, but i think it's a neat idea. I've been using Google Reader since I've been out here, as a single source for all of my news reading activities. (Thanks Rickmahn.com!). Back home i had about 20 websites that i would read (usually weekly) and i visited each one individually. With Google Reader i can just add it to my list, and read all the articles in one place! Really helpful out here with the slow Internet connection, and limited time!

Being the Techie geek that i am, i continually keep getting tasked with fixing peoples computers. I tried to keep any computer driven talents under my hat, but that didn't last too long, apparently my Über-geekness was to visible to conceal. Oh well. I should start charging for my services. Ha! What i find interesting (and probably no one else will) is how much desktops have changed since i was in desktop support. I haven't fixed this many laptops since i was in tech support back in 2000.

"Mandatory Fun" & Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-23T02:29:00.000-06:00

This week brings us to the halfway point of our deployment. Which they decided to celebrate with a "Mandatory Fun Day". It consisted of numerous events that included: Tug-o-war, Dizzy Izzy (i competed in that one), M16 relays, M240 relays, .50 cal relays, a Humvee pull, a hammer and nail relay, push ups, sit ups (the winner did 760 situps..wow), pull ups, and a few other events that i already forgot about.

Today is thanksgiving, it's hard to tell around here. Back home the leaves change, and the houses are either decorated for holloween or christmas. Around here, you have mass formations, and a hideous burning smell coming from the chow hall. Actually, the food isn't so bad. Just repititious.

My friends at work sent a 'boat load' of really fun stuff to us. Thanks guys! There was more stuff than i knew what to do with, so we shared amongst the 8 of us, all the goodies and treats, and had a 'heckuva' party! We decided to sponser our own internal 'Mandatory Fun Night', and played such games as NVG (Night Vision Goggles) yahtzee and scrabble. If you ever get a chance to play scrabble with NVG's, i highly recommend it, it adds a whole new challange! We also had a dance compition with the Singing turtle that they sent us! Lcpl Howe won by correctly doing the foxtrot with turtle in arms. I came in 3rd with a 3 step waltz. The turtle has also proved to be an excelent yahtzee player, it won 2 games. Although it needs a little help with rolling the di, and adding up it's score, it is a natural born player! Voltron proved to be a big hit among the older crowd. I think the younger guys are spoiled by all that computer generated anime mumbo jumbo, and don't know what real hand drawn art is suppose to look like! But none the less, I out rank them, so they had to put up with watching it anyways. I consider them educated now :-)

Veterans Day

2006-11-10T22:28:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to the Marines out there. We celebrated the day with a bonfire, two beers, and a speech by two medal of honor recipients. The chow hall was decorated with all kinds of stuff, from butter sculptures to ornately carved watermelons. The food was delicious, i had the Glazed Cornish game hens, twice baked potatoes, carrots, radishes, two root beers, and a gigantic piece of cake.

Today is Veterans day, nothing special planned for today. We'll see if the chow hall does anything.

55 Degrees, and raining

2006-11-06T01:21:00.000-06:00

I finaly managed to piss off the entire battalion (yes, battalion, approx 1,000 Marines) by building a really cool Flak jacket rack. The battalion CO (thats Commanding Officer) was touring our Hooch (kinda like a place to sleep, only crapier) and fell in love with it (the rack that is) you could practicly see little heart shaped birds flapping around his head. So now he mandated that everyone has one like this, and they have to build it themselves. Which sucks for us, because everyone is coming into our Hooch, and dragging dirt and sand onto the floors. Oh well.

The last few days have been dismal and dreary. Cold Tempratures, and rain. I've started another Martial arts class, so if i kinda 'disappear' and don't make to many posts/emails, don't be surprised. I'm already three days into this thing, and i feel like falling over. This course is tougher than the last 3 that i have been to. It's 21 days long, and i'll be a certified instructor at the end. This morning we spent crawling around the mud (actually, i kinda like that) doing a curcuit course designed to find your 'threshold' for physical fitness. Well, about 16 minutes into it my partner was puking, so i think we found his threshold. Never did find mine, probably because i drank a half pot of coffee before i went to the class, so i was hyped up for a good couple of hours. As a matter-of-fact, i'm drinking more coffee now, just to stay awake until lunch.

Speaking of coffee, the coffee out here sucks! all we have is Maxwell House brand. I'm used to the fancy organic stuff. I would sell my left foot for some organic coffee right about now.

I finally got a package that was sent back in July, it had a bunch of stuff that i needed while training in North Carolina. Like shorts, Shirts, and most importantly, my Rice Milk, and Organic cereal. I can't really use the shorts out here, but the cereal and rice milk was a pleasant surprise. believe it or not, rice milk is hard to come by out here. It's not somthing that an expiditionary PX stocks. Go figure. Now, all my guys have been giving me crap about it. Hey, that just means i'm saving the world twice, dammit.

Truck Meets Chuck

2006-11-01T22:29:00.000-06:00

Chuck Norris visited us here in Fallujah last night, and put on a quick little show. He talked about his life, his military career, (1960 korea) winning the national martial arts title in the early 60's. He talked about his youth programs in Texas, and a few other things. Then they had a handshake and picture session, i didn't stick around for that, since i just got my hair cut. One of our guys did, and it took about 3 hours for him to make it through the line. Yes, all the rumors about him are true, be afraid, very very afraid. (if you don't know what i'm talking about, search for 'chuck norris facts' in google)

Bicycles in Fallujah?

2006-10-29T02:45:00.000-06:00

Yup, you guessed it. We have a ton of bicycles out here. Average price $20. Or you could buy a brand new one for $99 from the PX on base. Choices include 'Jeep' or 'Huffy'. All are full suspension, and some even have disc brakes! believe it or not, i have not tried to ride while out here yet. I don't want my specialized epic back home getting jeleous or anything.

It rained really hard last night. Our roof is awsome, but incredibly loud. The rain also decided to short out our generator, so we currently have no power in our 'hooch'. Which means, no lights, and no A/C. oh well. Oh, and it blew over the portajohns too. At least we don't have to clean up that mess, thank god for KBR and civilian contractors.

Whoa

2006-10-20T22:32:00.000-05:00

LCPL Howe: Whoa, our trucks on fire, what do we do sergeant?

SGT Loss: Times like this call for decisive decision making, and appropriate action taking. Quick get everyone over here for a team photo!

Pictured from Left to Right:

Sgt Loss (Call sign: Truck Norris)

Lcpl Fall (Bobby Digital)

Cpl Smith (Joe Dirt)

Lcpl Morgan (Mongo)

Lcpl Howe (How-eeee)

Lcpl Willis (Snowman)

Lcpl Gary (Scary Gary)

Lcpl Mattern (Muscles)

Roooof

2006-10-19T22:14:00.000-05:00

They finally finished our roof! Of course we were trying to sleep at the time, after being up for 25 hours, but the hammering didn't really keep anybody from sleeping.

We also accidently set the bed of our truck on fire. The bed is steel, so it didn't do any lasting damage. It was funny comeing through the front gate to the camp, the guards were yelling "HEY YOUR TRUCKS ON FIRE!!!" and i reply "So what?", we kept rolling.

We now have Satalite in our hooch! yeah! it's AFN, with only 9 channels, but thats ok. better than having to walk the 1/2 mile to the chow hall to watch the news. We also ran a feed from our satalite up to the classroom, and one to the company office.

Jenga!

2006-10-17T23:26:00.000-05:00

So we now have two new games to add to our inventory, one being monopoly, and the other is jenga. I never thought jenga could be so entertaining. Who would have thought that a group of Marines could figure out how to turn Jenga into a tackle sport? Not I. But they did, with two broken chairs, a bunch of bruises, and one bloody nose, we called it a night, with no clearly defined winner.

In other news, they started working on our new roof yesterday. I spent most of the night staring up through the missing roof, and looking at the stars. The night sky is spectacular out here. At night all the lights are turned off outside, it's kind of like being in the boundry waters. Only a little sandier.

Chess Tourny

2006-10-15T23:04:00.000-05:00

Once a month, they hold a Chess tourny at the internet cafe here on base. Last month, i was knocked out of the first round, by this little chinese MasterSergeant (E-8). Last night I made it past the first round (i'd like to say that i royaly tore him up) and made it to the 2nd round. Guess who was waiting for me at the table? yup, the little MasterSergeant. And he won again. So now my quest, before i leave here is to beat this guy.

Rain, rain, rain

2006-10-15T00:19:00.000-05:00

So, the rainy season finally decided to start pushing it's muscle around here in Iraq. We found out too quickly how water proof our building isn't. We attempted to get some buckets and barrells inside, but it was a futile attempt. So we just settled for moving all our gear to higher ground (by placing it on our beds) Since we were already soaked, we decided to go outside in the torrential rain and play some football (american football). that lasted for about an hour and a half, then the rain became a light drizzle. the leaks in the roof slowed down, so we popped in the movie "Stick it". It was the only movie we had left that we havn't watched yet. It's a movie about gymnastics, not somthing you would typically assosciate with a bunch of Marines watching. But the movie turned out to be hilarious, all the Marines enjoyed watching it. So if you can imagine this, all day yesterday, the Marines were using their hands as 'phones' saying "Neenah, put down the phone!". Ok, maybe it's not funny to you guys, but it is to me :-)

Entertainment

2006-09-26T10:19:00.000-05:00

Yo, sup? So we pass the many hours of sitting on our rear ends by staring at that infamous thing we call the "Television". If you'll notice, our "chairs" are actually Humvee seats, that we tacticaly borrowed from nearby units. They work quite well, except when you lean to far back and fall over.

I got my hair cut today, they do an 'ok' job, but what can i expect from a 3 minute razer tornado on my head, and all for 3 dollars. I payed for the cut in "pogs" (cardboard money thats used instead of change), the guy at the counter didn't look to pleased, but he had to accept them anyways. and i was sick of them floating around in my pocket.

I also dropped of my laundry today. Yes, they wash and fold our laundry for us. Free. can't beat that. They even pair my socks.

One of the guys in my section is into japanese anime stuff. At first i thought it was quite retarded. Than i started paying attention to this particuler show called "Naruto" it's actually somewhat interesting, almost as good as voltron was. (Nothing will ever beat voltron though, end of story.) The guy that likes anime, also just bought an Xbox 360, so he's been playing that all day. I'm not really into video games anymore, i'd rather go do something more constructive, like sleep, or play chess, or eat, or fill sandbags, or make the PFC take "Humvee exhaust samples" and have him give it to the Lieutenent..."Here sir, you're suppose to smell this..."

Messy Rack

2006-09-25T10:31:00.000-05:00

Yah, ok. So i don't have a wall locker or anything to put my stuff in. So I just kind of shove it under my bed, then pull stuff out as needed. Of course, everything that i need is always on the bottom of my duffel bag or back pack. Oh well. I managed to acquire a little wire rack to put my laptop on. It works great! It has some storage on the bottom, and plus it keeps the laptop cooler.

It's been a slow few days. I've spent a fair bit of time writing our "Standard Operating Procedure" (SOP) since there isn't one in existance. Using lots of big words that managment likes to see, you know, "Fully utilize the organic assets with a 100% effective readiness rate" kind of stuff. Maybe i've just read to much dilbert. naw.

Cool day in paradise

2006-09-22T09:42:00.000-05:00

The tempratures have finaly started to cool off. Today it stayed around 120 degrees.

I had Mac and cheese with green peas, a personal size pizza, two bananas, some ice cream, and an A&W root beer for dinner. Last time i was here, i lost weight. This time, i'll gain weight. heh, darn that KBR.

So i was in the porta-john today, staring at the wall, and i noticed the manufacterers stamp imprint in the plastic, low and behold, it was made in minneapolis. So everytime i use the john out here, i think of home. Just thought you all should know that. maybe i'll take a picture of it tommorow. Ok, Ok, i won't take a picture of it.

Heres a question i pose to you all... If you are making an ice cream float with root beer, should you put hot fudge on the ice cream before, or after, you add the root beer?

Hmm...Ok, nuffin new today

2006-09-21T12:17:00.000-05:00

Don't really have much to add today. Just sat around, did some training with the guys. Looked over the trucks for the ten bazzillienth time. Yup, the headlights STILL work. The muffler belt was being elusive for the young PFC though, no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find it. So i sent him to go and get the Metric crescent wrench from the Commanding Officer. Amazingly enough, the CO didnt' have it. go figure.

Slow, Fast, Slow, Fast, Slow, Fast

2006-09-20T10:04:00.000-05:00

I lose track of the days. I thought today was monday, until someone said that it was thursday. Then a PFC (thats "Private First Class") pointed out that it's wednesday. Go figure. We'll be on a mission for 30 hours, then sit around for 4 days waiting on another mission. Twiddling our thumbs, watching movies, playing chess, building something from the scrap wood pile behind our "hooch" (hooch is a common military term for somthing that looks like a place to sleep, but in all actuallity, it just sucks)

We had our first mishap two days ago, one of my Marines was doing his last pre-check on his truck, just before we rolled, and stepped on a loose board on the 870 trailer. The board popped up and smacked him in the face, he ended up with 6 stitches. I had to take him off the convoy and send him to medical. He was pissed, but it had to be done. So, which means i filled his spot as a driver, and i pulled one of the Corpsmen (medics) and put him as my a-driver (thats military for 'passenger'). i havn't driven a truck like that in over 3 years. Not to mention we were rolling black out (no lights) so i had NVG's (night vision goggles) mounted to my kevlar (helmet). If anyone has ever seen a military ECP (entry control point) they know the snake you have to drive through is tight. I figured i was going to hit a barrier, but somehow, i managed to miss them all. I was actually disappointed.

Thats all for now, gotsta work.

Moving to Blogger, Updates, blah blah blah...

2006-09-16T22:44:00.000-05:00

Ok, so as most of you know, i'm now in Fallujah. Being as such, i no longer have time to take care of my website. And since i am techy geek kind of fellow, i've always done the work myself, rather than use an "out of the box" web service. So now i've admited defeat, and signed up for an "Out of the box" service. Rats. I feel so humiliated.

For some reason the military has a block on my website, but they don't on Blogger, and blogger ties in with Google. I already a bizzilion services with google, so i'll use that.

Other than that, not much new with me. Well, besides sitting here in Iraq again. I'll try to post a "photo of the day" thing.

Whats new with all of you? Send me an email and let me know (Jerry(at)JerryLoss(dot)com)